Final Countdown Stag dos and hen Nights – Plan my Wedding

Final Countdown Stag dos and hen Nights – Plan my Wedding
By now, everything should be planned to perfection – the venue and suppliers are booked, people have responded to the invitations, you are well into your health and wellbeing routine, and the details of the day are in place. This chapter covers the last few weeks before the big day. Whatever you do, try to keep a cool head, expect that some obstacles will be thrown in your path and see them as a challenge rather than a nightmare – try to see the funny side, if you can, or, if not, buy a punch bag!
You will be feeling excited, nervous and a bit overwhelmed by it all, so focus on exactly what you need and want and don’t be afraid to put yourself first above family demands and work pressures. Some companies offer extra time off for employees getting married – you are equally entitled to this by having a civil partnership, so make sure you take it. If you work for yourself or have other commitments, build in plans to take a few days off before the wedding. You have a great excuse to be a prima donna.

Stag dos and hen nights
The concept of hen and stag parties for gay couples strikes me as a bit of an anomaly – the idea of spending a night out with the girls before you marry a girl, or ditto for boys, seems a bit odd. In the hettie world, it was traditionally only for men and was meant to be an initiation ceremony, possibly an opportunity for them to lose their virginity, or the last chance for them to have some fun before
they became shackled to their wives. It also often took place the night before the wedding and so it could be a struggle the next day to get the groom sobered up, dressed and to the church on time.

When hen parties first started to take place, they were seen as nights in with best girlfriends, where they were showered with silly presents, or swapped make-up tips. Now it is a tradition among straight men and women to have parties, which in some cases have turned into a drunken weekend away or even a longer holiday with your mates. Don’t feel pressurised into having a stag or hen night if you don’t want to – they can be very expensive and put pressure on your back pocket as well as those of your guests.

However, if you do want a stag do or hen night, here are some ideas to consider:
• Pampering weekend or day at a spa
• Long weekend in a European city
• Night out at a gay club
• Holiday in a traditional gay destination, such as Mykonos or Lesbos
• Party at home for friends and family to meet before the big day
• Trying out a new extreme sport (careful not to get injured!).

As with any of the hettie traditions, you can adapt stag nights or hen parties to suit your taste. Some gay couples, such as Sir Elton John and David Furnish, have chosen to have a joint stag or hen party and seen it as a good way to get friends together before the big day. Often the guests have been both men and women. One man I know had what he called a ‘shag night’ – halfway between hen and stag. In fact, it was the women in his office and other girlfriends who took him out for a night on the town, bought silly presents (including a blow-up woman), and plied him with martinis. He doesn’t remember much, but the blow-up woman remains deflated.

Traditionally, your best man or chief bridesmaid organizes the stag or hen party, so if you have assigned such roles to people, check out with them if they are planning such an event. Don’t be lured into something you don’t want to do, just because you feel obliged to, and be really clear about your boundaries – if you don’t want a stripper (or if you do), then say so directly. Be warned, these occasions can involve pranks such as buying huge dildos or other sex toys, tying L-plates to your back, wearing wigs, or dressing up in tutus or tarts’ outfits. We can re-write the rulebook. Whatever you do, make sure you have fun.

Top tips
• Talk it over with your partner to see what you both want to do.
• Check with best men or women if they have any plans.
• If someone is organizing a party for you, be really clear about what you would and would not enjoy.
• Choose something that friends can afford to do.
• Choose a date a couple of weeks before the big event so you’re not hung over on your big day.
• Decide who is paying for drinks ahead of time.
• Or think about having a kitty for drinks so there’s no awkward wrangling over money on the night.
• Decide if you want friends and family to attend – make sure you spend it with people who you feel totally comfortable with.
• If necessary, make sure your travel and life insurance covers extreme sports.

A pampering day or weekend serves the dual purpose of enabling you to be with your friends and enhancing your wellbeing before the wedding – have some relaxing treatments such as a massage, facial, steam or mud bath. It’s also a good way to help friends get to know each other before the big day. Often spas have days specifically for men or women only.

If you want to break completely with tradition, you could have a romantic night out with each other, revisit places where you first dated, treat yourself to some luxuries and stay in a hotel, just to help you relax in the run-up to the wedding.

If you want a gay-friendly weekend away, pampering yourself or having an adventure, contact perfectgayhoneymoons*co*uk. You can find gay-themed trinkets for hen and stag parties at pinkandgayweddings*co*uk and pinkproducts*co*uk. There are also general websites that specialise in hen and stag parties: stag-party*co*uk and hen-party*co*uk.